I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
