guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
