Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it hurts more in the daytime
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
