The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
