his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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