In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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