Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
