So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
