so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
