Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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