I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
