weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
