So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
