Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
