Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
