im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
