I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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