Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
