She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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