Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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