i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
