how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
