It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
