im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
