only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
