im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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