So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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