eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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