Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
