This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
