Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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