I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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