I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
