Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
