You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
