Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
