hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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