We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
