it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My liver is preforming stress tests.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
