I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
