I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
