Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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