I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
