Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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