he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
