i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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