There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
