Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
please come you make the beer taste better
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
