You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
