wrigley field is MILF paradise
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
