remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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